You Are NOT Your Ass! (pt. II)
We Black women have been sexualized to within an inch of our lives. Literally. But somewhere along the way we bought whole hog into the idea that we are our ass or some other body part. I hear dudes talking about who is wife material based on the size of a female’s ass. As if they have any idea what it means to be a husband. A grown man knows that a big ass doesn’t get you through hard times, improve your credit score or guarantee fidelity; anymore than their enlarged body parts guarantee satisfaction. But WE know better. We must reclaim our role.
Video vixens be damned – YOU are the queen…the receiver. Do not give up your POWER. You have something men seek and will go to great lengths to obtain – if you allow them to play their role. Your power lies in your ability to grant or deny men something they desperately want. It’s not about gamesmanship; it’s supply and demand and knowing your role. Allow them to do the work. And sure they can get it elsewhere but then you’ll know they intended to (as James Brown said) hit it and quit it.
In the age of the sex tape insta-celebrity, there will always be a Kim Kardashian, Amber Rose or Coco around. And men DO like to look so you should always look your best. But you are not your ass; do not own that. No one should be talking to you about sex within minutes, hours or days of meeting you. I don’t like dudes (you’ll notice I didn’t say men) referencing any body part when we first meet–that’s just me. A well-intentioned respectful man knows better and/or it’s your job to let him know it’s inappropriate.
The saddest part is these commonly accepted ideas have largely come from the mouths of babes. Most of what permeates the culture came out of the mind of someone under 30. What is the common theme in almost all of today’s popular R&B / rap music? It is SEX. Not 30 seconds into most popular songs (and definitely in the hook) you’ll find somebody talking about your body, what they can do and how good they can do it – or expect you to do it. Is that all these dudes have to say to us? And that’s where we get the idea our entire worth is centered on our backside? It is OUR responsibility as women to reverse this current trend if we want better. And as corny as it sounds, it’s important for the sake of future generations.
When Black men show no interest or threaten they can always find someone willing to put out…so be it. I AM the full package – not to be relegated to body parts or sex acts. And know this ladies, if the trifling brothers don’t want you (cause they’re not all the same) there are others who will happily and respectfully pick up the slack. Remember who you are and act accordingly. The men are counting on us.
2 Responses to “You Are NOT Your Ass! (pt. II)”
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Thank goodness, it’s so good to know I’m not my ass!
Look, Nashieqa knows of what she speaks. Sex is power, sex is energy, sex is the purest medium for creativity. Black women as a whole in the past 400 years have been played, had and subsequently have rolled over on our backs and wimped out. It’s time to get in the driver’s seat (how’s that for a visual!) and take the ship where we want it to go.
As an author, I have made it my mission to explore themes of women, black women in particular assuming power. We can’t demonstrate power the way men do, overtly and aggressively as that is not our domain. We have dominion over the emotional and sensual but we must learn to administer it within our own means. Not only are our men counting on us to do so, so are other women. Younger women are watching older women, girls are learning from their mothers, and men will treat their mates as they regard their mothers. We have to protect our bodies as least as well as we do our checking accounts, and be assured that if we behave as a woman deserving of respect and compassion a man able to provide this will materialize.
Chandra Adams
Author
Shades of Retribution
adrolitepress.com
chandraadams.com
:O