YourBlackFriend.com

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It’s my birthday and I’ll post if I want to. Yes I’m a fabulous Sagittarius and if you can’t talk about yourself on your own blog then where else is it appropriate?

 I want to take this time to sing the praises of online friendships. Today was made extra special by the friendships I’ve developed online by way of P90X and Facebook.  Even though I am YourBlackfriend online I was one of those people who doubted the value of social networking. It’s supposed to be for self-aggrandizing and to some extent I’ve been able to use it for that. Of course not the extent that I’d like but that’s for 2010; YourBlackfriend is working on making herself more available through podcasts and maybe even personal appearances. Nevertheless, the friendships I’ve made through people seeking me out online have been amazing. If you’re unacquainted with P90X, it’s an exercise program that I had the dumb luck to be associated with and subsequently appeared in their DVDs (PamtheBlam) which are doing amazingly well, and also work as advertised. I’ve helped to contribute to that company’s bottom line so if you want to check out their product, you should buy through me. In doing so you’ll also be helping a non-profit that I believe does excellent work.

Social networking has also led more people to my book. I know this because each week I send loads of books to Amazon.com for delivery. And while I am immensely grateful, Amazon takes 55% of my profit, simply for listing my book. I can’t quite understand why people opt to purchase through Amazon when they can securely purchase through this website. Why oh why???? If you really want to be a friend BUY through this website. I can even personalize my book to your liking and it’s less expensive. At the very least, click on the new and used options on Amazon and buy through YourBlackfriend there.

 Okay, where was I? It’s been a great year. I thank all my online friends who helped to make me feel special today. I moved to a new city (Denver) after traveling abroad (Central America) for 3 months and this birthday could have been ugly. But the love was spread and felt online. As I memorialize this day as the start of my new year I look forward to increasing my contacts, cyber and otherwise in the New Year. I’m also open to any suggestions of what you would like to hear from YourBlackfriend. Happy Birthday to me!!!!!!!!!! 

The split second between the first time a person lays eyes on me and the instantaneous realization that I am Black is always funny to me. It cannot be disguised. And people do attempt to compose themselves by chalking their reaction up to: “Oh, I thought you’d be older, younger…even fatter”. But facial expressions do not lie. And depending on my mood, I might toy with them by asking if they were expecting someone different. Anyway, it’s not like they can come out and say: “So…you’re Black huh?” That’s definitely not the best way to begin when we’re meeting in a professional capacity. And yes, it IS funny to me but only because (1) I’m accustomed to it and (2) I’m employed.

It’s NOT so funny when you don’t have a job and have had to get in the practice of “Whitening” your résumé just to get an interview. “Whitening the Résumé” is a term I picked up from a N.Y. Times article about the lengths Black folks go to get their foot in the door. And as I discussed in my Book, Black women often need to take it a step further by altering their appearance (hairstyle). So…there’s a need to hide your race and/or dial back your Blackness in order to find gainful employment? Ouch.

What can be said about the racial differences in joblessness that hasn’t already been said? Do we continue to attribute EVERYTHING to race? Not without a diligent inspection of the facts but the phenomenon (and repercussions), as discussed in the N.Y. Times article are as real today as ever – and you can chalk that up to whatever you want.

It’s strange when people find a way to work into conversation that they “don’t see color”.  Shorthand and code phrases are only effective when we all agree on what is meant by them. And I know it’s a commonly accepted buzz communication designed to put me at ease but the fact is…I am colored. If you don’t see that then it leads me to believe you don’t accept the totality of who I am.

Understanding that race is a social construct and shouldn’t have any bearing is quite different from the reality that race matters. In fact, race has great meaning in our society. It is the lens through which I am viewed, acted upon and many of my experiences are filtered, for better or worse. Besides, I know I’m Black. You not seeing/acknowledging this denies a basic understanding of the rich history and modern day experience associated with being colored in America. Why wouldn’t you want to see that and how can we truly be friends if you are unwilling? You also have a history associated with your gender and “color” that I am mindful of – it’s part of what makes you who you are. I don’t believe that’s all there is to us as people nor should it be the determining or dominant factor that decides our friendship. However, it’s important for you to recognize that social conditioning based on the color of our skin shapes us all. If we want we can work towards changing that but we cannot continue to deny what is if we have any hope of making things better.

 I know it’s hard to keep up with all of the official designations so call me whatever you want in private. It doesn’t matter what you name it as long as we’re on the same page when it comes to an IDEAL of how we relate to each other. Just don’t think you’re indicating progressive thoughts about the brotherhood of man when you tell me you don’t see color. And friend or not…you still can’t touch my hair. 

Don’t ever think YourBlackfriend doesn’t blog because she is at a loss for words. I understand that people visit blogs because they want to view up to date impressions of what passes for the “news” of the day. And while I visit my fair share of blogs, some of which I’m too embarrassed to list, I am in no way consumed with media-ocrity. And so I tend not to give much thought or post about the latest celebrity fascination and/or scandal.

 I find that to the extent I am focused on the lives of others I have no opportunity (or desire) to mine and monitor my internal thought processes. To determine how I can be a positive actor in shaping the world as it is into the world as it should be. A world where no one is caught up with concerns of satisfying Levels one and two of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (physiological and safety needs).

Even though the vast majority of us web surfers are fortunate enough to be well beyond Levels one and two, we are still too busy/distracted to consider life’s bigger questions. Or is it that we distract ourselves away from having to consider life’s bigger questions? What do I mean by bigger questions? Well that all depends on your focus. But surely there is more to life than Tiger Woods, the big game, the latest gadget or who crashed the President’s party. It still amazes me that more votes are cast for reality show contestants than in elections. Chances are none of that has anything to do with your daily life. But then maybe that’s why you’re so tuned in(?). And although I’m not criticizing your choices, I am asking you to consider where your primary interests lie, where you put your attention and why? Who’s minding the store?

…in this case not even a full day. Black Friday has some people camping out Thanksgiving Night. Your food is not even fully digested and your mind is on strategizing how to beat  (sometimes literally) others for the best deals. And I won’t even go into whether or not in the long run you’re actually getting a deal.

We as a nation have one (1) day dedicated to gratitude. Just yesterday it was all about volunteering; loving your brother and others. Everyone was soooo eager to say what they are thankful for (materially, physically and spiritually). How is it then that today and every day after Thanksgiving since the 1960s, people lose their minds and manners in a shopping frenzy? A mere 24-hours after the lovefest? Wow.

So now shopping is a competitive sport? The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. It’s one of the features of the holiday season that we and for sure the media look forward to. You know the folks in the newsroom are rubbing their hands and chomping at the bit to report on Black Friday melees, trampling and arrests. It would be funny if it weren’t so sad.

Well hopefully today you can get back to that attitude of gratitude…for more than the fact that you were top 10 in the long line or for whatever you were able to wrest from the hands of your fellow man. And by the way, do you really need all that Stuff?