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Archive for the ‘Life in General’ Category

Your Black friend answers many questions but today has one of her own.

Has “the Man” successfully turned us against ourselves? I mean we have to blame somebody right? The deck is indeed stacked but each generation that preceded us intended that we progress/benefit from their trials. And given all the bloodshed, pain and anguish suffered so that WE might have an opportunity – this is the outcome?

What I see manifested is outwardly directed rage and self-loathing – I don’t know how else to describe it. Black on Black crime, burning and looting our own communities (this I will NEVER understand), an obesity epidemic, HIV/AIDS rates to rival Africa, disdain for education, the popularity of “entertainment” that disparages our rich cultural heritage…shall I continue? And please don’t tell me things aren’t ALL bad – they are bad enough. So bad that we cannot afford to ignore the truth. But first we must be honest with ourselves.

Intra-racism (within the race) is rampant and a leading cause of our dysfunction. Many of us are turned against each other ala Willie Lynch: dark v. light, old v. young, women v. men and add to that the class issue. Yes I understand some of you feel above the fray because you have more money/education – I got mine now go get yours. But as you well know we are ALL painted with the same broad brush. The war against “those” Blacks includes you and your family (even if you don’t claim them) and is coming to your town. Even as you seek to distance yourself you will not be spared the stigma if nothing else. Ask Obama.

Since we’re afraid to even speak of the ills in our community how can we hope to fix them? They’re obvious to any and everyone who is paying attention and/or profiting from our self-destruction. And if someone (in-house) dares to speak the truth (Bill Cosby), no matter if you like how he said it, they get cut off at the knees. And God forbid a non-Black person raise the issue.

We are choking on denial and the stench of our dirty laundry all the while accusing, blaming, crabbing and waiting for THEM to right the wrongs. It ain’t gonna happen. America is all about WIIFM (what’s in it for me?) and until the majority of people realize a humanitarian approach benefits everybody, WE should not expect help where none is forthcoming.  Yes it may be the right thing to do but charity begins at home. I begin my part by not deceiving myself and pretending things will naturally sort themselves out. They will not. I still believe WE (not some non-invested pastor, politician or media commentator etc.) can turn the tide.

WE are the ones we have been waiting for.

Recommended reading: Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome by Joy Degruy Leary 

As it grows to Boondock-ian proportions there is almost nothing I can say that’s more subversive than my fro. It definitely makes a statement as you glean facts from my choice of ‘do. And yet it is ONLY a hairstyle – or is it a symbol (indication) of something more?

Clearly it’s an affront to some sensibility. But I feel empowered by the pop and ping of each nap – yeah it’s as nappy. And with each stretch, pull and pick I (passively) antagonize. Your reactions makes me smile.

 My fro doesn’t control me but it seems to control you.

YOU embrace or reject me depending on whether I’m willing to chemically alter my coils for your comfort. And even if you’re willing to pay for it, the answer is still no.

YOU deny, deride or delight in my fro depending on your comfort with your Blackness. Some have no idea what their “natural” hair looks like. And for the record, your hair is neither bad nor good. Who made you so afraid of your own hair?

This brillo puff distinguishes but does not define me.

I swim freely. I eagerly do things that cause me to sweat and fear not rain, moisture or any weather system. I sleep wildly supine without silk covering. And a trim is a lot less expensive than a bi-weekly touch-up/blow out.

So go ahead and stare but do not touch (without permission).  You can copy but the effect won’t be the same.  And don’t take it personally, not everyone wants to look alike. This is all me. 

It has become popular among non-Blacks to question and even be mad about the fact that they cannot freely use the N-word. These folks are actually feeling self-righteous anger about being blocked from saying nigger. But wait, you wouldn’t be saying nigger in the negative way; you’ll be saying it the “cool” way – “nigga”, just like Black people. In the same way you use it amongst your friends or when singing along to your favorite hip-hop song. It’s casual, non-offensive use and you’re not a racist (you have Black friends) so what’s the big deal? Black people do it all the time so why can’t you?  

Oh brother. Well, the first part of my answer SHOULD go without saying – but I’ll say it anyway in case you’re thinking Black people are of one mind.

 A lot of Black people do NOT EVER use the word (in any variation), are extremely offended by it and are none too pleased with the fact that “nigger” (or nigga if you prefer) has become a part of common parlance. And you do know the history of the word (see nigger and book Nigger)? So, why would YOU want to say it? Is it due to a sense of entitlement (you shouldn’t be deprived of anything)?  It’s strange that you think it’s cool to say it but know it’s definitely not cool to BE it. Lucky that you can use the slang without ever having the experience (here’s a hip-hop explanation of how that might feel). 

Anyway, I say go ahead and use the word if you want. Your friends will think you’re daring and cool for using  a taboo word enveloped in so much negative history. As for the other people who hear you, well, one possibility is that they might want to (and actually will) administer a beat down of epic proportions (i.e. you might get hurt). That my friend is the risk you take. Not to mention the many people you’ll offend who will suffer your foolishness in silence. And why, just so you can say nigga? 

Listen, I am all for freedom of speech so if you insist on using the word remember that no matter how you say it, the N-word has nothing positive to do with you. You’ll want to be very careful and not get overly comfortable (John Mayer-like) with it. And if you see YourBlackfriend on the street, I don’t respond to nigger or nigga so you can save your misguided shout- out…holla.

If you know me then you know I don’t love President Obama; but that doesn’t mean I hate the man so let’s not make this an either/or proposition. Let’s just say I was never caught under the spell of his special-ness (or skin color). Be that as it may, I do NOT want to see him fail. 

Post-election, I admit to holding high hopes for Obama’s vision. I too was feeling audacious –could WE create some real change in our nation? After witnessing a masterful campaign and the display of an incredible ability to rally and inspire followers, I wanted to believe. And now, I’m just saddened by the lack of follow-through. But that’s where WE the people come in.

The follow-through I’m talking about should have naturally flowed from the fact that Obama is well -versed in community organizing. As it stands, Saul Alinsky would NOT be proud of the fact that Obama built a massive amount of momentum and simply let it dissipate. It’s almost like all of his brilliant outreach and consensus building was for naught. And I have a feeling Obama is sitting in the Oval Office wondering, where my people at? 

Well Obama, your people are waiting to be told what to do, seeking instruction or dare I say…leadership. And by the way, hearing you repeat, “no one said this was going to be easy” does not inspire confidence. It’s like Super Chicken used to say, “you knew the job was dangerous when you took it…” —right?  In politics, the ability to spread your message far and wide, over and above the opposition is critical. Look at Rush Limbaugh’s impact; accurate or not, squeaky wheel gets the grease. So where are all the Obamites to shout down the Dittoheads? I know, I know, it’s so undignified but let’s be real; appearance is everything and your boy is in desperate need of a rally. Just say the word Obama, and like they say in church, “make it plain”.

As reality sets in it’s likely that this deflation of spirit was inevitable; however that’s not a reason to give up hope. Obama is 100% correct in acknowledging that he CANNOT do it alone. And that’s an open invitation for WE the people to get involved. Of course he needs agreement in Congress but Obama was NEVER going to be able to make the kinds of changes he promised without the help of WE the people. It is OUR responsibility to light a fire under the collective ass(es) of our obstructionist Congress and/or be ready (organized) to give them the boot. They serve at OUR pleasure and clearly this fact is something we and they need to be reminded about. Ultimately, now is the time to ask what you can do for your country… and President Obama, it’s time to unveil your iron fist.

 Recommended reading: Unite and Conquer by Kyrsten Sinema 

When I was a child I spoke, thought and reasoned like a child but when I grew up I put away childish things. 1 Cor. 13:11.  When YourBlackfriend was a youth, in the years before the first celebration of Dr. King’s birthday, there was a lot of opposition to the creation of a national holiday. Part of the opposition argument was the potential cost to tax payers, singling him out above other persons and his controversial career (but we can celebrate Columbus Day?). Of course another great part of the opposition was singularly focused on his minority status as a Black man. And once the holiday was pushed through I, like many, was glad for the possibility of a day off– nothing more. But worse than that I had bought into the idea that this was somehow a holiday for Black people.

Today it’s hard to imagine people getting caught up on those things if you understand that Dr. King was a humanitarian. This means that while his primary work appeared to be centered on civil rights for Blacks, his overall goal was the improvement of conditions for ALL mankind. The only way this doesn’t apply to YOU is if you’re not human…and maybe not even then. [It seems to me Dr. King would hold the Navi lifestyle in high regard.] Nevertheless, I know that there are those who still have a problem with this Holiday.

To you I say that it’s true that as a youth I only understood Dr. King intellectually. But older, wiser and more educated, I now understand the connectedness of ALL mankind and appreciate the impact and meaning of his legacy. Simply put, we rise or fall together. This is clear in the age of globalization and poignantly highlighted by the current plight of Haitians. They and others are OUR problem. It is high time to put away childish thoughts, reasoning and petty squabbling; we pay tribute to a higher level of consciousness when we do.

Enjoy this day of remembrance but know that beyond this day, any hope for a better world depends on an ONGOING ingrained sense of duty and obligation to work towards fairness and equality for all peoples. You are your brother’s keeper and “We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.” Martin Luther King, Jr.