Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

Why Am I still Single?!

This is a frequent question I get from male prospects and well-intentioned people generally. I think it’s supposed to be a compliment. In other words, you’re so wonderful, how could you possibly still be single? Of course the other read is that I must have major issues or I wouldn’t still be on the market. Hmmm…I choose the first interpretation. But what is the market? Am I a unit for trade, hot today and less valuable tomorrow?

Well, I AM Black so apparently I’m supposed to be gnashing my teeth at the lack of available Black men. One reason that’s not going to happen is because I don’t buy it. Off the top of my head I can reel off the names of five single, seeking Black men of the type highly sought after by any woman. These five also just happen to want to partner with a Black woman. As unlikely as this sounds based on media portrayals, they ARE out there. And since I know them, why aren’t WE together? The answer is also the common sense reason why I’m still single: these men and me were/are NOT compatible.  Great guys  – not for me. So if I’m going to do any weeping and wailing it’s going to be at the difficulty in finding a compatible man –period.

It is far too easy to get into a bad relationship so these things should not be forced. And because of my “quirky” nature (and age), I can’t afford to rule out by race. Of course we are all multi-faceted but I’ve been told I’m a little harder to characterize. For example: I’ve never dreamt of the day I would marry, my biological clock has never ticked and I accept that monogamy and love are two entirely different concepts, not dependent on each other. These qualities are attractive to some but not the vast majority. I just think the odds are better for those whose values and ideas of happily ever after are aligned with mainstream thinking. And even as I acknowledge my unique challenges, I haven’t made “finding” him a priority. If I were really concerned (or desperate) I’d be out there; trolling the marketplace like a…well, like somebody on a mission. The men are out there to wade through, no sense in blaming statistics. I enjoy being single and that is the real reason why I still am.

And when being single is not fun, I console myself with the fact that it’s better for me to be alone and happy than off the market and miserable. This is not a band-aid fix. I know it’s not either/or and I look forward to the day when I meet the right person. But in the meantime, it’s not so bad being single…not bad at all. Besides, I know my happiness makes me much more attractive to whoever is interested in taking me off the market. All things in due time or not; life goes on.

Your Black friend and Obama

On the heels of Obama’s troop escalation, more and more, things seem much the same.  And although you would never know it through the MSM (mainstream media) there are a great number of disgruntled (former?) supporters, Black and non-Black. Depending on whom you ask, he’s either too focused on Black people or not nearly enough. But when it comes to striking the appropriate racial balance, the man never stood a chance. Good thing he wasn’t elected for that purpose.

Nevertheless, one year out, there’s an upside to Obama’s “poor performance”. Once again, there’s something those folks can agree on and rally around…their disappointment. Turns out he may not be the candidate he campaigned as and they voted for. Go figure…he’s a politician. But, if you voted for him (or not) and so far you’re not happy you have every right to give him a hard time. And don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. That’s what Democracy is supposed to be: government of the people, by the people, for the people. So get out there in your INTERRACIAL dissenting groups and let your unified voice be heard. Yes you can. Power to the people! 

The Book