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Your Black friend answers many questions but today has one of her own.

Has “the Man” successfully turned us against ourselves? I mean we have to blame somebody right? The deck is indeed stacked but each generation that preceded us intended that we progress/benefit from their trials. And given all the bloodshed, pain and anguish suffered so that WE might have an opportunity – this is the outcome?

What I see manifested is outwardly directed rage and self-loathing – I don’t know how else to describe it. Black on Black crime, burning and looting our own communities (this I will NEVER understand), an obesity epidemic, HIV/AIDS rates to rival Africa, disdain for education, the popularity of “entertainment” that disparages our rich cultural heritage…shall I continue? And please don’t tell me things aren’t ALL bad – they are bad enough. So bad that we cannot afford to ignore the truth. But first we must be honest with ourselves.

Intra-racism (within the race) is rampant and a leading cause of our dysfunction. Many of us are turned against each other ala Willie Lynch: dark v. light, old v. young, women v. men and add to that the class issue. Yes I understand some of you feel above the fray because you have more money/education – I got mine now go get yours. But as you well know we are ALL painted with the same broad brush. The war against “those” Blacks includes you and your family (even if you don’t claim them) and is coming to your town. Even as you seek to distance yourself you will not be spared the stigma if nothing else. Ask Obama.

Since we’re afraid to even speak of the ills in our community how can we hope to fix them? They’re obvious to any and everyone who is paying attention and/or profiting from our self-destruction. And if someone (in-house) dares to speak the truth (Bill Cosby), no matter if you like how he said it, they get cut off at the knees. And God forbid a non-Black person raise the issue.

We are choking on denial and the stench of our dirty laundry all the while accusing, blaming, crabbing and waiting for THEM to right the wrongs. It ain’t gonna happen. America is all about WIIFM (what’s in it for me?) and until the majority of people realize a humanitarian approach benefits everybody, WE should not expect help where none is forthcoming.  Yes it may be the right thing to do but charity begins at home. I begin my part by not deceiving myself and pretending things will naturally sort themselves out. They will not. I still believe WE (not some non-invested pastor, politician or media commentator etc.) can turn the tide.

WE are the ones we have been waiting for.

Recommended reading: Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome by Joy Degruy Leary 

As it grows to Boondock-ian proportions there is almost nothing I can say that’s more subversive than my fro. It definitely makes a statement as you glean facts from my choice of ‘do. And yet it is ONLY a hairstyle – or is it a symbol (indication) of something more?

Clearly it’s an affront to some sensibility. But I feel empowered by the pop and ping of each nap – yeah it’s as nappy. And with each stretch, pull and pick I (passively) antagonize. Your reactions makes me smile.

 My fro doesn’t control me but it seems to control you.

YOU embrace or reject me depending on whether I’m willing to chemically alter my coils for your comfort. And even if you’re willing to pay for it, the answer is still no.

YOU deny, deride or delight in my fro depending on your comfort with your Blackness. Some have no idea what their “natural” hair looks like. And for the record, your hair is neither bad nor good. Who made you so afraid of your own hair?

This brillo puff distinguishes but does not define me.

I swim freely. I eagerly do things that cause me to sweat and fear not rain, moisture or any weather system. I sleep wildly supine without silk covering. And a trim is a lot less expensive than a bi-weekly touch-up/blow out.

So go ahead and stare but do not touch (without permission).  You can copy but the effect won’t be the same.  And don’t take it personally, not everyone wants to look alike. This is all me. 

In honor of the illustrious career of Helen Thomas who was forced to “retire” after making comments about Israel, I am reposting this blog. This is strictly about power. Blacks are collectively slandered, figuratively and literally dragged about the political landscape, wrongfully persecuted and there is scant recourse or repercussion. Take a lesson:

1.       Value education – “ A mind is a terrible thing to waste”. Remember that old United Negro College Fund slogan? Nothing has changed.

2.       Learn to deal with each other –Some real value came out of the Jews ghetto experience (and pre-integration Black life). I’m not saying it was pleasant or that all Jews love each other. However, Jew on Jew violence is not of great concern, Jews patronize each others businesses and once Jews “make it” they don’t flee their neighborhoods and disparage each other like crabs in barrel.

3.       We need to own our shit and should be running SOMETHING. Can you say hip-hop??? Or maybe we just need to stop selling each other out to the highest bidder.

4.       Memorialize (remember) the pain of our ancestors and subsequently be reparated for past wrongdoings. I don’t know what form they (reparations) should take but we’ve been shamed into not speaking out. “Never forget” is how the Jews keep the Holocaust ever present in both their minds and ours. Yet, many pretend (or maybe have no idea) that slavery has no modern day effects. Two words – institutionalized racism.

5.       Maximize our small numbers into larger collective power. The AIPAC (American pro-Israel lobby) is among the top five most powerful in the U.S.  Do you have any idea how much money we give to Israel? Check it out. We need to form and/or hold accountable organizations and institutions that staunchly defend OUR interests.

6.       Make it untenable, indefensible and impossible for anyone to call you nigger, nigga or any variation thereof. We know very well that if you utter anything that could be remotely construed as anti-Semitic there will be hell to pay (see Helen Thomas); and from many different quarters. You know why? Collective power. When it comes to Black people, folks are emboldened to say and do whatever they want. It’s because WE haven’t kept them in check. And, no power means no one else is (or willing) to check for OUR interests.

7.       And finally, we have to learn to stand united behind broader ideas such as those expressed herein. You probably don’t agree with everything I’ve said or maybe just the way I’ve said it. Nevertheless, petty differences have distracted us from the big picture for far too long.  Orthodox, Conservative or Reform, most Jews agree that the unjust persecution of Jews is  not to be tolerated.

Don’t hate – emulate.

Just the other evening I was speaking with a non-Black friend when I took the opportunity to inject some racial humor. It might surprise you to learn it was at the expense of Black people (yes, Your Black Friend has a sense of humor). It wasn’t mean spirited per se but let’s not kid ourselves, when it comes to Black people, there’s plenty of material. Anyway, I felt comfortable so I didn’t think it would be an issue. But in hindsight, I think she was afraid to laugh (it was funny) and instead decided to “check” me on my race-centered perspective. Her method was to ask: why I care so much about race? Another common variation of this question is: why does everything (with you people) have to be about race?

 Hmmm…I can see why you might think that given that I wrote a book offering opinions on questions about Black people. But consider for a moment that this book couldn’t have been written without the material provided in the form of actual questions. And I’m okay with questions as long as they’re honest and lead to some understanding.  With me, it’s all about honesty, understanding and equality. But the equality part is missing – and that’s why I care.

That led me to ask her: Why don’t you seem to care? Melting pot, Black President, crossover hip-hop, blah, blah, blah. None of that has led to equality – race is still a hang-up.  Don’t believe me?  Have a look at the progress being made in our drug sentencing laws. That’s an outright acknowledgment of bias against Black drug users. And while you may not care about drug users, it is illustrative of the way we have yet to go before we get to equal. And I’m sure you would care if you (or someone in your family) were treated differently based on their status (gay or disabled). I care about that too. But it so happens that I’m Black (something I wouldn’t hide or change) so I also have a stake in the equal treatment of Black people.

Each of us has a right to expect equal treatment. I mean ladies c’mon – perhaps one day we’ll be worthy of earning a dollar for each dollar a man earns. And since you know things are NOT equal – why don’t you care? We see people losing their minds over the treatment of animals (see Michael Vick and PETA) and we have environmental activists defending the planet. Isn’t your fellow man worth so much more consideration? Why aren’t YOU willing to go to the mat to ensure that all people are treated equally? I keep saying, the quicker we get to equal, the sooner those who have a stake in division are made irrelevant; AND the sooner you’ll get Black people to stop complaining – okay, so that’s not going to happen (it’s a joke people). But seriously folks, I do wonder why people don’t seem to care – more. 

It has become popular among non-Blacks to question and even be mad about the fact that they cannot freely use the N-word. These folks are actually feeling self-righteous anger about being blocked from saying nigger. But wait, you wouldn’t be saying nigger in the negative way; you’ll be saying it the “cool” way – “nigga”, just like Black people. In the same way you use it amongst your friends or when singing along to your favorite hip-hop song. It’s casual, non-offensive use and you’re not a racist (you have Black friends) so what’s the big deal? Black people do it all the time so why can’t you?  

Oh brother. Well, the first part of my answer SHOULD go without saying – but I’ll say it anyway in case you’re thinking Black people are of one mind.

 A lot of Black people do NOT EVER use the word (in any variation), are extremely offended by it and are none too pleased with the fact that “nigger” (or nigga if you prefer) has become a part of common parlance. And you do know the history of the word (see nigger and book Nigger)? So, why would YOU want to say it? Is it due to a sense of entitlement (you shouldn’t be deprived of anything)?  It’s strange that you think it’s cool to say it but know it’s definitely not cool to BE it. Lucky that you can use the slang without ever having the experience (here’s a hip-hop explanation of how that might feel). 

Anyway, I say go ahead and use the word if you want. Your friends will think you’re daring and cool for using  a taboo word enveloped in so much negative history. As for the other people who hear you, well, one possibility is that they might want to (and actually will) administer a beat down of epic proportions (i.e. you might get hurt). That my friend is the risk you take. Not to mention the many people you’ll offend who will suffer your foolishness in silence. And why, just so you can say nigga? 

Listen, I am all for freedom of speech so if you insist on using the word remember that no matter how you say it, the N-word has nothing positive to do with you. You’ll want to be very careful and not get overly comfortable (John Mayer-like) with it. And if you see YourBlackfriend on the street, I don’t respond to nigger or nigga so you can save your misguided shout- out…holla.