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I spend a lot of time reading about Black women (BW) lamenting their fate. Yeah, it’s tough all around. Given the lack of available Black men and chances for finding love with the few that are viable…it’s hard out there for a BW. My response is that patriarchy and feminism has got us twisted. This is true for all women but BW (and consequently the Black community) are particularly dazed by their effects. By simple definition, patriarchy means control by men. And feminism is supposed to be about gender equality. So now no one knows their role and we’ve more or less turned against each other.

Black women are both the victor and villain in today’s headlines. As a result of feminism among other things, we are more educated than our brothers, can provide our own financial security and enjoy more sexual freedoms. But are low marriage rates and the breakdown of the Black family our fault? Is it our fault that for all “appearances” our men don’t want us? Is it our fault that so many Black men are imprisoned? A lot of factors are at work here. And while we may not bear first line responsibility, we have played our part. Willie Lynch Letter in full effect.

Men have their part to play. And this is not about us vs. them. This is about us – Black Women. Thanks to feminism, you CAN go it alone. And since you are a woman in a patriarchal society, you are imminently less threatening and more employable and than a Black man. But that’s the gist, you are a WOMAN and with that comes a great deal of power and responsibility.

Once upon a long time ago, women were the moral barometers of society. But the patriarchy has caused us to forget who we are and now we see ourselves through the eyes of men. Just because you have the freedom to sex like a man doesn’t mean you should. But if you must, do IT responsibly. Men have many of us thinking that if we don’t give IT up (the sooner the better and preferably without a condom) we might miss out on a “good man”.  Please. Giving it up has NEVER kept a man. And if you don’t believe me, ask a man.

Yes you can take care of home but do you want to raise that child alone? It was YOU who chose unprotected sex endangering your health and almost guaranteeing a fatherless home for your child. It is YOU contributing more fatherless sons for the prison industrial complex and fatherless daughters seeking acceptance from whomever wants to give it to them? (See part II).

And what of the high rates of STD’s and HIV among BW? You DO NOT place responsibility for your health on a male. You must insist on a condom both for protection and contraception. No MAN is going to ask you for sex without a condom. If he does he doesn’t care about himself and he damn sure doesn’t care about you and your sexual health. Is this the dude you’re willing to die/risk infection for? Or, become impregnated by? Am I the only one horrified that Lil’ Wayne impregnated two women within weeks of each other or do we accept that’s just how things are?

The point is it is OUR responsibility to say no and look out for ourselves. Women are going to have to be the ones to put a check on this world gone mad. Listen, men are men. I love them and don’t fault them for being who they are; but I also understand what I’m dealing with. It is their goal to get your defenses down by any means necessary. Sex is the object. They are not as affected by the post-sex release of Oxytocin (aka the cuddle hormone). They are not the ones who will carry the child for 9 months. And they are not the ones who will feel obliged to stick around and parent that child.

All I’m saying is respect and protect yourself. We have a lot of power to influence for good but first we must wake up from our collective brainwashing. Think about it, no one goes to great lengths to suppress a non-threat. Women will once again be treated like women when they act like women. Know your worth.  This is a man’s world, but it woudn’t be nothing without a woman or a girl ~James Brown.

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